30 years in existence.. there must be something I learned.

Monday, June 25, 2007

i am tired

since i moved to our main office, i found myself overwhelmed with my new surroundings. i am now dealing with more people and should they decide to pester me with their questions, they can just walk over to my little cubicle and fire away. i would have 2 to 3 people asking me different things at the same time that i am seriously considering giving them numbers and ask them to wait until they are called. i have, after all, spent one year of my employment with this company tucked away in a small unit they called "the warehouse" with only 3 men as my officemates.

for the past three weeks, i have been spending more than 8 hours at work, 6 days a week. i come in before 8am and punch out no earlier than 8pm. i would spend my day entertaining queries on the status of shipments, following-up deliveries, answering emails and doing what my boss would ask me to do. i hardly have the time anymore to surf the net, let alone update my blog. by the time i get home, i would be so exhausted and hungry, with a nagging headache to remind me of the stress that i had just gone through.

but this doesn't come without any consolation. aside from the extra cash i get from doing OT, i also get to spend more time with my engineer (yes, this is about him!). i now see him everyday. though we don't really talk the whole day, we still manage to spend lunch time together with the other guys. when almost everyone's gone home, we'd take a break to have dinner. and when it's time to leave, it has become routine for him to drop me off at galleria where i take my ride home. it's just a five-minute drive from our office, but it is the only time we are actually alone - together.

i don't know how long i can keep my strength in coping with the daily stress of being part of this company, or if being with my engineer can compensate for the exhaustion of having to deal with so many issues and problems that seem to come my way relentlessly. i can only hope and wish things to be better. meanwhile, i need to save energy for the coming weeks.. we'll be moving to another location again!


Friday, May 25, 2007

never again by kelly clarkson

*iris, i know you don't like it when song lyrics are posted in blogs, but i just had to post this! :)

I hope the ring you gave to her
Turns her finger green
I hope when you're in bed with her
You think of me
I would never wish bad things
But I don't wish you well
Could you tell
By the flames that burned your words
I never read your letter
Cause I knew what you'd say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try and make it all okay

[CHORUS:]
Does it hurt to know I'll never be there?
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you would do
Don't say you simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again

If she really knows the truth
She deserves you
A trophy wife, oh how cute
Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes
And he's through with you
And he'll be through with you
You'll die together, but alone
You wrote me in a letter
You couldn't say it right to my face
Give me that Sunday school answer
Repent yourself away

[CHORUS:]
Does it hurt to know I'll never be there?
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you would do
Don't say you simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
Never again

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never!

[CHORUS:]
Does it hurt to know I'll never be there?
Bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew exactly what you would do
Don't say you simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
I never will
I never will
Never again

Thursday, May 24, 2007

boradise

I miss the long walks on the beach.. the feel of the sand and water. I miss the strong wind blowing against my face... I miss the waves... the men flying.. I miss the hand that held mine.. I miss the arms that kept me warm.. but most of all, I miss the one I couldn't call mine....

almost paradise

She thought that paradise can make him learn to love her.. but paradise wasn't enough. Instead, it was the other way around. She fell in love with paradise and with him.

Half the time she feels he's wishing he were with someone else... but maybe so was she.

no more

I have no more tears to cry for you.
I spent them all the last time you broke my heart.
I wasted my day yesterday just thinking about you,
wondering why I let myself fall for the same lines.

I have no more interest in seeing you again.
I heard your voice this morning and I felt nothing.
I laughed and I joked and I teased,
but if you were sensitive enough, you'd know that they're not real.

I have no more words to say to you.
I said them all when I laid my heart out to you to trample on.
I have no more love to offer you...
I will not give you the power to hurt me again....

No more....
this time, I will let you go.

coffee and cigarette

i found myself smoking early this morning while having coffee. i don't usually have my first cigarette until after eating lunch, but today i was compelled to drag on a stick, hoping it would alleviate the loneliness i was beginning to feel. i think i woke up at the wrong side of the bed.

or maybe it's because i received another text message from the lawyer guy this morning, asking me if i was free to meet him for lunch today. i said no, of course, and he had the nerve to ask me why. or maybe it's the way my youngest sister mercilessly teased me on the way to work about how unpretty i am compared to her and my other sister. sometimes, i just get tired of hearing people say that that i am starting believe it. or maybe it's because i have reports to submit and deadlines to meet and i have not started anything yet. i am blogging away instead... or maybe, just maybe, it's because i am missing something - or someone - and my heart is starting to long for it. *sigh*

this is one of those days when coffee, cigarettes and blogging are not enough to ease the feeling of loneliness and fill the emptiness of my soul...


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

painting a picture of you

i want to create a picture of you in my head. i want to remember..... how you nudged me when you finally sat beside me in the van. and when i looked at you, you gave me that secret smile. you pretended to talk to A who was seated at the back, while casually stretching your arms so it would rest on my shoulders, and i didn't pull away. it was your first attempt to show me affection in public, and i wanted to savor it. i felt your hand stroking my neck, touching my ears. i had to restrain myself from touching you as well. then you rested your cheek on my right shoulder, while playing with my hair, and you said how glad you are that you were with me. all this, with J and A inside the van too. when we got to the office, i saw how you hesitated to leave when they called you to eat. you looked at me and asked if i weren't coming. if i had not made earlier arrangements, i would have gladly gone with you. you gave me a lingering look, and raised your hand to say goodbye... ah, yes... i want to paint a picture of this day in my head as it may never happen again. i want to remember how, for one day, i felt that it was possible you could love me too...