30 years in existence.. there must be something I learned.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

irony

in my mind runs a hundred "what ifs" and a thousand more "whys", but knowing deep within there will never be answers. loneliness has become a constant companion, never leaving my side whilst i plunge into an abyss of nothingness... i am barely holding on.

many times i have wished that i be given the strength to walk away from you, to completely erase you from my thoughts so that there is not a single day that i long to be with you again. but everytime i close my eyes, i see you. when a stranger passes by, his cologne reminds me of you. everything i write is about you. there is no place for me to hide from you because you lie deep within the recesses of my memory... you have crawled under my skin and i cannot get rid of you.

this is what you have done to me. i have learned to thrive on the pain. i welcome the grief just as i welcome the gift of eloquence, if you can call this as such. i embrace the loneliness.. and in return, it allows me to express myself in beautiful words so as to mask the bitterness and regret that i actually feel.

if this is the only way that can keep me from falling apart, then so be it. ironic that i have you to thank for...

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