soliloquy

i hope i could take a few minutes of your time.. a few minutes that you so selfishly deny me because you have wasted it on someone else.. allow me to steal a moment to ask how you are, how's your day, what are your new plans, how she is.. to know if you're happier now or do you find yourself missing me from time to time..what movies have you watched recently without me? i want to take back the days we were together, but in doing so, i realize how i'm not nearly as special or as beautiful as you led me to believe, how i am now part of your old and not as sensational as your new, how gullible and naive i am when with you, and how i have managed to give you the power to hurt me again and again.. i realize how much i long to hear your voice telling me how you almost fell in love with me.. even when i become a burden sometimes with my whining .. as i secretly hope that i get the right to demand a little affection and more of your attention, and that maybe i'm not just one of your girls. i hope to ask you, am i not enough? have i given you more than you can handle or less than what you expected? but in reality, my mind tells me that the problem is not with me, but it's you mistreating me.. and it's your constant state of restlessness that puts me where i am now..i'm getting tired of all the waiting, getting so hopeless with hoping and i'm beginning to wonder if i made this all up, if all the emotions were just imaginary, if once, we were really in paradise and it's your lips that i kissed or your hands that i held.. and why you can't give me what i know i deserve... am i that difficult to love?