coffee and cigarette

i found myself smoking early this morning while having coffee. i don't usually have my first cigarette until after eating lunch, but today i was compelled to drag on a stick, hoping it would alleviate the loneliness i was beginning to feel. i think i woke up at the wrong side of the bed.

or maybe it's because i received another text message from the lawyer guy this morning, asking me if i was free to meet him for lunch today. i said no, of course, and he had the nerve to ask me why. or maybe it's the way my youngest sister mercilessly teased me on the way to work about how unpretty i am compared to her and my other sister. sometimes, i just get tired of hearing people say that that i am starting believe it. or maybe it's because i have reports to submit and deadlines to meet and i have not started anything yet. i am blogging away instead... or maybe, just maybe, it's because i am missing something - or someone - and my heart is starting to long for it. *sigh*

this is one of those days when coffee, cigarettes and blogging are not enough to ease the feeling of loneliness and fill the emptiness of my soul...