to marry or not to marry

as the months pass, i'm beginning to wonder if it's really a wise decision for me to get married - to him. he's an expert when it comes to lying. he lies to me as if it were a normal thing. i would catch him every time, but since i try to avoid confrontations, i do not deal with it. instead, i let it pass and as a result, all my angsts and frustrations build up inside me. it comes out whenever we get into an argument. i would lash out at him. say things i would regret later on, but not once have i ever retracted any of my statements. we are caught in a vicious cycle - fighting, yelling, screaming, crying.... trying to convince ourselves that we still have enough reasons to make a go of this relationship. i don't think we both have enough courage to say that it's already over. but then again, there's this issue with my relatives, my grandmother to be specific. every time i get to see her, she hounds me with the never-ending question 'WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED??'. and every time, i would just laugh and shrug my shoulders. i think that irritates her, but she couldn't get any definite answer from me.

late last year, he finally decided that he was "ready" to commit and settle down with me. we talked about getting married on May 19, 2007. we actually made an unofficial announcement to everyone we know. and then last March, he changed his mind again and said we should wait until December this year. frustrated as i was, i bargained with him and requested that we do it this August... *sigh* talk about desperate huh?

so what do i do now? should i get married because that's what i want, or just because it's expected of me to do so? i know i have a tendency to cheat even when married, because i have been thinking a lot on how to go about my latest affair once i get hitched. nnggrrr! and then there's him being a liar. could there really be a future for a liar and a cheater?? i guess we'll just wait and see...