painting a picture of you

i want to create a picture of you in my head. i want to remember..... how you nudged me when you finally sat beside me in the van. and when i looked at you, you gave me that secret smile. you pretended to talk to A who was seated at the back, while casually stretching your arms so it would rest on my shoulders, and i didn't pull away. it was your first attempt to show me affection in public, and i wanted to savor it. i felt your hand stroking my neck, touching my ears. i had to restrain myself from touching you as well. then you rested your cheek on my right shoulder, while playing with my hair, and you said how glad you are that you were with me. all this, with J and A inside the van too. when we got to the office, i saw how you hesitated to leave when they called you to eat. you looked at me and asked if i weren't coming. if i had not made earlier arrangements, i would have gladly gone with you. you gave me a lingering look, and raised your hand to say goodbye... ah, yes... i want to paint a picture of this day in my head as it may never happen again. i want to remember how, for one day, i felt that it was possible you could love me too...