i am feeling forlorn today - yes, that is the perfect word to describe my current emotion, hence the incessant blogging. for some reason, i am beginning to believe that my latest affair will soon be ending...
my engineer and i do not have a typical affair. it's really nothing serious, but i know that we have "something". i know that he likes spending time with me. he calls me sometimes, while driving, just to talk and laugh with me. he would make arrangements so that i am able to join them for lunch - just me and the boys. when we were in boracay for our company outing, i spent most of my idle time in their room, watching TV with him, talking dirty - telling him what i would do to him if there was any opportunity. he'd look at me in the eye and let out a big sigh. he even dared to ask me if things were going to change once i get married.. i told him he'd know once i cross the bridge. ha! when i send him text messages, he would immediately reply, except maybe when he's at home and within close range of his wife. when he knows that my fiance will be picking me up after work, he would ask me the following day if i "enjoyed" myself, implying that we did the deed. he would send me YM messages just to ask me if i had lunch already or what time i would be going home... basically, ours was a perfect arrangement - not much emotions involved, no strings attached, no expectations..
but lately, things are changing between us. i would text him, and not get a single reply (but i found out that he wasn't answering his wife either because his message inbox was full already). i would send him YM messages, and he would not answer me either, only to be told this morning not to send him messages anymore specially when he's not at his desk. apparently, a nosy officemate saw one of my messages and he is now being teased about it... *sigh* yes, i have every reason to feel forlorn today..
i know that this is not right.. and it's something that really should end. but there's a part of me that wants to hold on and hope that maybe this isn't over yet. sad thing about it is, i used to know where my place is... now, i'm not so sure anymore.
my engineer and i do not have a typical affair. it's really nothing serious, but i know that we have "something". i know that he likes spending time with me. he calls me sometimes, while driving, just to talk and laugh with me. he would make arrangements so that i am able to join them for lunch - just me and the boys. when we were in boracay for our company outing, i spent most of my idle time in their room, watching TV with him, talking dirty - telling him what i would do to him if there was any opportunity. he'd look at me in the eye and let out a big sigh. he even dared to ask me if things were going to change once i get married.. i told him he'd know once i cross the bridge. ha! when i send him text messages, he would immediately reply, except maybe when he's at home and within close range of his wife. when he knows that my fiance will be picking me up after work, he would ask me the following day if i "enjoyed" myself, implying that we did the deed. he would send me YM messages just to ask me if i had lunch already or what time i would be going home... basically, ours was a perfect arrangement - not much emotions involved, no strings attached, no expectations..
but lately, things are changing between us. i would text him, and not get a single reply (but i found out that he wasn't answering his wife either because his message inbox was full already). i would send him YM messages, and he would not answer me either, only to be told this morning not to send him messages anymore specially when he's not at his desk. apparently, a nosy officemate saw one of my messages and he is now being teased about it... *sigh* yes, i have every reason to feel forlorn today..
i know that this is not right.. and it's something that really should end. but there's a part of me that wants to hold on and hope that maybe this isn't over yet. sad thing about it is, i used to know where my place is... now, i'm not so sure anymore.
2 comments:
I suppose it happens with seemingly no-strings-attached relationships. Eventually, you do get attached...somehow.
I know the feeling. I've been having an affair with a married man for 10 months. At first it was all fun and games, but then something changed for both of us. Unfortunately, things didn't change enough for him because he will never leave his wife of his own volition and I am too scared of his response to ever ask him too. So now what used to be a solid sense of where we all stand has changed, and we too have begun the process of ending.
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